It Might Have Been
by will-o'-the-wisp1
Summary: My theory on how Snape betrayed Voldemort. Starts at his first year at Hogwarts and basically describes a relationship that might have been - hence the title.


?It Might Have Been  
  
A/n This alternates between Snape in the present, and his memories. If it's a bit confusing, tell me so. I'll change it. Most of all, REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 1; Severus Snape  
  
  
  
Of all sad words of tongue or pen,  
  
The saddest are these; it might have been.  
  
  
  
It has been years since all this happened. I've always kept it a vicious secret. It was such a precious memory, it couldn't be told. Not a soul ever found out, I think. Except for Dumbledore, and of course, Lily. She couldn't help but know, it was our secret, our memory.  
  
She made me what I am. No. Not everything, but everything that defines me. If I am unfair to her son, it's because of her, if I am favorable to his enemy, it's because of her, if I am the most hated teacher in Hogwarts, it's because of her. And yet, all of her influence on me was good. Because of her, I am not evil and cold-blooded and heartless. Because of her, I have seen what Voldemort is, truly.  
  
It all started at the sorting ceremony, when I first entered the Hogwarts Great Hall;  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Severus carefully observed all the house tables. He had been told what was best and where he should go, but Severus was rather independent. He never decided anything on another's opinion. Hence, he was, waiting for his turn, scrutinizing each table watchfully. Occasionally, he caught the eye of an already seated student. If this ever happened, he had a special glare he used to intimidate people. The other person always withdrew, not deriving much pleasure from the cold, hard gaze.  
  
Snape had already decided which house was best, Gryffindor. The Hufflepuffs were amazingly stupid, and the Ravenclaws seemed to care to little about power and too much about books. Severus had nothing against books, but to him, books were only seen as ways to gain power. But the Gryffindors were definitely having the funnest time. They seemed the only one's with proper senses of humor, at least.  
  
Snape snapped out of his reverie when he heard his name called. He stepped stiffly up to the sorting hat. Gryffindor might be the funnest, but he wasn't here to have fun, he was here to learn. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice what the hat was saying in his head until he heard the word 'Gryffindor'. He was shocked. Why should the hat say Gryffindor? Snape clearly belonged in Slytherin. He listened intently to the hat in his head now.  
  
"So, finally listening are you?" said the hat. "Yes, yes well you might just be a Gryffindor. I see the independence there, and loads of courage. You might just . . . but what's this?"  
  
"I don't belong in Gryffindor, I would be teased to hell. And I don't have that kind of . . ." Severus didn't know what it was that made Gryffindors Gryffindors, buthe didn't want to have it, so he pleaded recklessly with the hat.  
  
"Fear, I see, yes, it's all clear now, I think it would best after all if you were . . . SLYTHERIN." finished the hat. Severus heaved a sigh of relief. Slytherin was where he had to be. He didn't belong in the other houses.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Though I was only a first year, I grew to be respected and even feared by some. I made my first enemy the next day; he was James Potter. We hated each other from the moment we set eyes on each other. It was so natural that we did, like dogs and cats. Whenever we met, words, and curses, were exchanged. It was like a mutual agreement that we hate each other. And so my first year passed pleasantly.  
  
The second year was like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. Something affected me, made me soft.  
  
My second year at Hogwarts was the year I met Lily.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Severus sat alone in a train compartment. He had scared off anyone who dared come in with his practiced glare - although in some cases, people had been intimidated by his simply being there. Even most of the seventh year students had grown to respect him. Except, of course, that idiot of a James Potter and his friends.  
  
Snape's first year at Hogwarts had been remarkable. He had made all the right friends, had received top grades, and was firmly established as a bully and potential villain. He was extremely pleased with himself and was anticipating his next year with smug satisfaction. He was especially looking forward to seeing Lucius Malfoy, a sixth year student who, had he been born five years earlier, would have been an exact duplicate of Snape, although not so much in appearance as in character.  
  
Snape suddenly realized two things; one, that the train was moving and, two, that a girl was sitting right in front of him. He stared at her in shock. Who would dare sit in front of him? The next moment all the shock was turned into disdain. This girl had 'Mudblood' written all over her face.  
  
It was obvious from the way her muggle clothes had been carefully chosen instead of stupidly mixed up together, or from the way she held onto her bags full of magical things as if they were her life-force, or simply from the look of perpetual wonder on her face. Then, Snape truly saw her face, the way he had never seen anyone's face before.  
  
Before, a face had been something like a landmark to him, something to help define one person from another; so you could know who was your enemy and who was not. Now, he saw everything on her face, things he never noticed on other people. If he had been asked to describe his best friend, Scott Rosier, he wouldn't have been able to say anything beyond that he thought Rosier MIGHT be fat; or fattish, and that his hair was brownish or blackish, or possibly gray. There wasn't anything wrong with Severus' eyes, in fact, his eyes were astoundingly sharp, it was just that appearances hadn't mattered much. Until now.  
  
Snape noticed everything about her, her straight red shoulder-length hair, her perfect nose, her small ears, her dancing green eyes, even the folds behind them, her mouth, her chin, her eyebrows, all of it flashed in his mind like a picture.  
  
"So, are you going to introduce yourself or are you just going stare at me like an idiot?" Her voice was half annoyed, half amused.  
  
"My name is Severus Snape " he started out pompously. The girl smiled,  
  
"I'm Lily Evans, I'm just starting out at Hogwarts. What about you? You must be a first year too, huh? I mean, you don't appear to know anyone or-"  
  
"I'll be starting my second year now." said Snape stiffly, offended that she had made such an assumption.  
  
"Oh, sorry." She offered contritely, her green eyes asking for friendship. Severus was touched, had it been anyone else, he would have been insulted beyond apology.  
  
"Oh well, it doesn't really matter." He said. Lily smiled beautifully,  
  
"I just know were going to be the best of friends."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/n No, I'm not a really great Snape fan, I just thought this was a sort of interesting idea. 


End file.
